3-9 August: Guilt and Reconciliation

Continuing the story from previous week, we have this story today, again in the form of a letter. In case you have not read the previous part, I strongly recommend you to read it first by clicking here.

Needless to say, this week’s Room for Thoughts is also placed the same way as the previous week – through the story itself.

Guilt and Reconciliation

[Disclaimer: The characters and events portrayed in this prose poem are purely fictional. Any reference to real people, living or dead, or real events, is purely coincidental. Reader’s discretion is advised.]

To,
My dearest friend,
Whom I have wronged, 
Probably beyond forgiveness.
Forgive me
Please
For I am a coward.
I know you trusted me so much.
I know how you thought of me
As nothing less than your brother.
And I also know that those feelings
Are probably dead now.
Still
Humans repent.
They always seek solace
For without that
It is meaningless to be 'human'.
And it is in search of solace that I
Am writing this letter
Though, being the coward I am
I do not know whether I will ever be able
To post this letter.
I remember that fateful day
When I probably made
The greatest mistake of my life.
Believe me
I had no intention of doing so!
I never realised what harm I was causing
What sort of rumours I was starting
(That would spread like wildfire
And burn down the entire forest); No,
No, I never imagined it.
I never realised it.
I was foolish and short-sighted.
And by the time I realised what I had done
The fire seemed out of control.
Yes, it seemed out of control.
And yes, it could be controlled.
And yes, I was the only one
Who could douse the fire.
But I was a coward.
Believe me,
It probably
Pained me more
Than you
To see people behaving
The way they were
With you.
But I was ashamed of myself.
And I was scared.
Of what would happen
If I did stand up
And say the truth.
And so I took the easy way out.
I blocked you out, although it tore my heart apart.
I thought everything would be okay soon.
As soon as people forgot about the rumours
Everything would be normal again, I thought.
I was naive.
People did stop the rumours soon enough.
But by then, everything had changed.
I could not read your eyes, or your expression, anymore.
Something which I had been able to do
For so long.
And that was what terrified me.
I felt utterly alone
And I realised
That guilt is a much heavier burden to bear
Than truth.
For truth is respected in the end
However bitter it may be
But guilt?
No one even comes to know about it
And if they do,
They can only sympathise
But not empathise
For guilt is personal.
The fire has long died down.
And with it, our friendship has also turned cold.
I have known that for long
But I have never been able to acknowledge it.
But now, I am ready.
I remember a quote
From Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara
(Remember how many times we watched it?)
You know what I'm about to say
But I'll say it anyway,
Imran - 'Aur kitni baar sorry bolna padega?'
(How many more times will I have to say sorry?)
Arjun - 'Jab tak yahan se (dil se) na nikle na, tab tak.'
(Until it comes from here (from your heart))
And I can tell you today
That I am sorry
From the bottom of my heart.
I really am.
I know it will be hard for you.
I know you might never think of me
As the same.
But still
All I ask of you
Is to forgive me.
Please.
Will you?

Hoping for the best,
Anonymous’s Erstwhile Best Friend

******

That’s all for this week! I’ll be back next week with some more snippets and thoughts! Thanks for reading!

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